Sex
Addiction FAQ
1. What is sex addiction? Sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope
with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in
their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The
sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of
sexual behaviors.
2. Why do people become sexually addicted? This is different for every sex addict but generally
speaking there are biological, psychological, and spiritual reasons. The following is a short explanation of each
reason why someone can become a sex addict. The biological addict is someone who has conditioned their body to
receive endorphins and enkephlines (brain chemicals) primarily through reinforcing a fantasy state with the
ejaculation that provides these chemicals to their brain. Psychologically, the need to medicate or escape physical,
emotional or sexual abuse can demand a substance, the early addict finds the sex medicine usually before alcohol or
drugs. Spiritually, a person is filling up the God hole in them with their sexual addiction. The addiction is their
spirituality, it comforts them, celebrates them and is always available and present. Then there is the sex addict
who can be two or even three of the above reasons. This is why a specialist in sex addiction is the best route for
recovery with sex addiction.
3. What's the difference between sex addiction and a high sex drive? I have heard this question on
almost every national talk show or radio show I have been on over the years. A person with a high sex drive is
satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off
the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other
way. If you can relate to this the chances are there may be an addiction issue.
4. Can you be addicted to masturbation? Yes, this is by far the most common sex addiction that I
have treated in working with sex addiction. This usually is the first sexual behavior many of us will have on a
repeated basis. This is usually where the sexual compulsion starts with sex addicts and this behavior, regardless
of other acquired behaviors, usually stays active.
5. What role does pornography play in sex addiction? Pornography for many sex addicts combined
with regular masturbation is the cornerstone for most sex addicts. Many sex addicts have great difficulty getting
sober from this combination of behavior. The pornography with fantasy creates an unreal world that the sex addict
visits throughout their adolescence and other developmental stages and creates an object relationship that
conditions their emotional and sexual self to depend upon these objects and fantasies to meet their emotional and
sexual needs hundreds of times before having sex with a real person.
6. Can someone be a sex addict and not be sexual with their spouse or committed relationship? YES!
We call this later stage of sex addiction, sexual anorexia. In this stage of sex addiction, the addict prefers the
fantasy world and fantasy sex with themselves or others instead of relational sex with their spouse or partner. The
addict/anorexic avoids relational sex and hence this couple has sex infrequently and often at the partners request
not the addict/anorexics.
7. What is it like to live with a sex addict from a partner's or wife's perspective? The
partners/wives of sex addicts report many similar feelings about living with the sex addict. The feeling of
aloneness is a common experience with partners of sex addicts, the sense that he can't open up and tell you about
his "real" self. The confusion of even after you do certain behaviors that this still is not enough and the
hopelessness that there isn't enough. Anger for many different unmet needs as a person and as a woman are often
common.
8. Can partners get help even if the sex addict doesn't? Yes, even if the addict stays in denial
of their addiction the partner can receive help and support for herself. The feelings of anger, loss, loneliness
and many other feelings encountered over the years of living with this addiction will effect a person. These
feelings need to be dealt with therapeutically whether they stay married to the addict or not. The addiction was in
no way your doing as a partner or wife, the addicts addiction started many years before you even met your addict.
This addiction would have grown and damaged anyone they would have related to in any relationship.
9. Is there recovery for sex addiction? Yes, there is recovery for sex addiction. This recovery
takes time and hard work especially in the first year but with guided help the sex addict can experience
restoration in their emotional, relational, sexual, financial and even spiritual lives. I have seen marriages made
better than they ever were and addicts live much happier lives than they ever thought possible. I have been in
successful recovery over eleven years and I know it's available for those who choose to work for and maintain
recovery.
10. Is there research on sex addiction available? There is research being done in the field of
sexual addiction. The monitored mail list of Heart to Heart Counseling centers provides weekly research information
as well as excerpts from 101 Practical Exercises for sexual addiction recovery as well as Twelve Step
discussions.
11. Can women be sex addicted? Yes! The number of women desiring treatment is growing
significantly. The behaviors are the same as their male counterparts including: masturbation, pornography, internet
activity, anonymous encounters and affairs. Over twenty recovering female sex addicts contributed in writing She
Has a Secret: Understanding Female Sexual Addiction. This book plus the Secret Solutions Workbook, with over 115
helpful techniques for recovery is just for her. If you would like to set up a telephone counseling appointment to
start your journey of recovery, call today. There is hope for female sex addicts to recovery.
12. Is there any way to help our children not become sexually addicted? Yes! Even though many of
our adult male clients report that their fathers were sex addicts (porn, affairs, prostitutes etc.) they also
report getting little to no proper sexual information to balance their sexual perspective. Good Enough to Wait is
the first video of this kind to help your children understand sex and the brain, the long-term affects of
pornography, long term sexual satisfaction and a whole lot more. This is the best combination of sex research and
spiritual principles to date for youth to watch to give them a proper and currently informed sex talk.
by James Bondy -
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