The Redemption of Tiger Woods – The Fireside Post

Addiction treatment in the last half of the 20th Century focused on denial as being particularly robust in addicts . Psychiatric science has disputed this belief – noting that denial in addicts is no more robust than in the general population. … Treatment professionals say that the first of the 12 steps directly addresses denial: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (insert any condition you choose to replace alcohol ), that our lives had become unmanageable. …

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The Redemption of Tiger Woods – The Fireside Post

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Overcoming Addictions

Overcoming Addictions

There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding the reasons why addictions occur. Some believe that substances in themselves are not addictive, that it is the bodies chemical reaction to the substance to which the individual is addicted. This claim could certainly seem plausible when considering gambling or shopping addictions. There is no foreign chemical entering the body, rather that the body is creating its own chemical reaction (excitement/ adrenalin) in response to the external stimulus of gambling or shopping, and it is the feeling that the individual is addicted to, not the actual act itself.

It is also understandable that when one introduces chemicals to the body, chemical reactions occur. Some of these reactions stimulate reward centres within the brain which are triggered when a person exercises, falls in love or is praised or acknowledged.

Sometimes an addiction occurs when a person uses drugs, cigarettes, alcohol or even food, to alleviate stress and worry. In order to successfully treat these types of addiction, the person must focus on increasing their levels of self esteem so that they are able to create good feels about themselves without any need to have the feelings triggered by and external stimulus.

It is difficult to predict if one person is more likely to suffer from an addiction more than the next. Again, claims have been made that some suffer with an addictive personality. It is probably wiser to consider the social circumstances of addicts. For example, if your parents smoked, you are more likely to be yourself a smoker. If your friend take drugs, you are likely to be influenced by them. There are of course other factors. If a person is lacking in a structured life, or has experienced an over structured life, drugs can be a form of escape and detachment from a life which is perhaps, not entirely fulfilling.

Often, an addiction will increase in severity over time. This is because the body becomes regulated and used to the addictive chemical being in the body. To achieve the same level of stimulation, more of the addictive chemical is needed in the body. Many addictions can cause serious heath, social, physical and mental problems and when addictive substances are increased in a non- regulated environment, the consequences can be devastating.

Fortunately, changes can be made. Addicts do not necessarily need to be addicts for the rest of their lives. If the addict is willing and motivated to change, there are ways of easing and in some cases removing completely, the side effects when withdrawing from an addictive substance.

NLP can be used to help the client understand new perspectives about how the addiction has impacted on their lives. Techniques can be used to desensitize any negative associations from the past, and positive triggers can be installed for use when the cravings would normally occur.

Hypnosis can be used to remove habits and to create changes in the subconscious, the part of the mind responsible for creating and maintaining habits. Post hypnotic suggestions can be used to associate powerful negative feelings to the addictive act or substance, so that these powerful negative feelings are experienced in the future if ever then patient considers interacting with the addictive substance or act again.

By: Gemma Bailey -

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Gemma Bailey is qualified hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner, registered with the General Hypnotherapy Register (GHR), American Board of Hypnotherapy (ABH), British Board of NLP (BBNLP) and American Board of NLP (ABNLP) as well as being a member of the NHS Directory of Complimentary and Alternative Practitioners. Gemma is also a qualified trainer of NLP and runs a training company called People Building which provides NLP Practitioner and NLP Master Practitioner Training. Details of these trainings can be found at www.peoplebuilding.co.uk For more information on Hypnotherapy, NLP therapies and Life coaching, visit www.gemmabailey.co.uk

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How To Identify And Overcome Addictions

How To Identify And Overcome Addictions

When we are addicted to someone or something, it means we behave like a slave because we allow the person or strong habit to control us. It is what we do in excess in order to avoid our painful feelings (hurt, anger, fear, loneliness, emptiness, etc.). Therefore, addictions are often the symptoms and not the causes of our troubles. They make us feel better for a short period of time but then we soon need another "fix", because we still have the pain from the underlying negative feelings.

Ironically, our addictions cause us even more problems and result in additional pain. For example, an alcoholic often loses his or her job, has unsuccessful relationships, and suffers from physical problems brought on by the alcohol. The workaholic finds their loved ones complaining that they are never around. They may make more money but probably spend more for medical problems because of their self-induced stress.

The first helpful thing to do to overcome your addictions is to be honest with yourself and recognize your extreme behaviors. The following questionnaire will help you to identify your unhealthy habits.

Put a check next to the description of your behavior.

A. I eat or drink in excess:

______1. Food

______2. Alcohol

______3. Coffee

______4. Carbonated beverages

______5. Chocolate

______6. Ice cream

______7. Candy

______8. Pastry

______9. Bread

______10. Other _____

B. I feel a compulsion (not in control of myself) to do a lot of:

______1. Work

______ 2. Running/Sports

______3. Shopping

______4. Yelling

______5. Creating

______ 6. Smoking

______ 7. Gambling

______ 8. Drugs

______ 9. Cleaning/organizing

______ 10. Other ___________

C. I feel no matter how much I have, I always want more:

______1. Money

______ 2. Sex

______ 3. Affection

______ 4. Cars

______ 5. Clothes

______ 6. Material things

______7. Attention

______ 8. Machines/Tools (including computers)

______ 9. Power

______ 10. Other _____

D. I spend a lot of time:

______1. Playing

______2. Reading

______3. Writing

______4. Watching television/movies

______5. Collecting things

______6. At the computer

______7. Complaining

______8. Fixing things

______9. Joking

______10. Other _____

To further understand yourself, fill in the following statements:

E. When I am upset I:

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

F. I have a habit of:

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

G. I am addicted to:

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

H. I wish that I could stop (a behavior):

1. ______________________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________________

Positive Behavior

Now that you understand your avoidance habits, write a check next to the following things that appeal to you to help you overcome your addictions.

When I am aware of my habit controlling me, I can do the following:

______1. Take at least ten slow, deep breaths (count to six on the inhale and exhale).

______2. Ask myself, "What negative thought am I thinking?" Then imagine that I am burning it away and replacing it with a positive thought.

______3. Listen to a self-help tape.

______4. Read a self-help book.

______5. Drink water with or without lemon.

______6. Eat a low calorie vegetable.

______7. Take a walk.

______8. Call someone I trust and share my feelings with them.

______9. Take a class to raise my self-esteem.

Congratulate yourself for being willing to identify and overcome your addictions, choose healthier habits, and take control of your life.

By: Helene Rothschild

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2007 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS HART!’ She offers phone sessions, teleclasses, books, e-books, MP3 audios, tapes, posters, independent studies, and a free newsletter. www.lovetopeace.com , 1-888-639-6390.

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Boundaries And Addictions

Boundaries And Addictions

Many of us have experienced difficult relationships with someone or with several people who have been addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or some other unhealthy pursuit. How might we deal with these difficult relationships, recognize them early, and prevent such relationships in the future?

My own dear mother was unfortunately alcoholic. One day I realized something vitally important:

Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean it is healthy to be near them.

It is tremendously useful in life to learn to separate your feelings for someone, with your understanding of what is, or is not, healthy for you to be around. We need both love (or at least like) and a healthy dynamics for a relationship to continue. If both are not present, then the relationship can make you terribly unhappy, or even destroy your health, confidence, and safety.

Ironically, it is also better for them also, to separate if they will not work on controlling their addiction. Maintaining the relationship while they their addiction runs unchecked, encourages their addiction to continue. It is not a significant consequence for them to argue with them about their addiction, for they can remain addicted and behave badly, and still have their relationship with you. You might even be helping to support them, so why should they stop? It is an addiction, so it is powerful.

If you have been in a relationship with someone who is addicted, it would be very helpful to you to decide on your personal boundaries now, so that you can address the matter with a clear head if it comes up again.

Here are some suggestions for behavior that is not acceptable in your relationships:

If they borrow money from you to pay for their addiction, or borrow money from you to pay for their needs because they spent their own money on their addiction.

If their addiction prevents them from supporting themselves financially.

Lying in any way, to cover up the truth of their activities.

Being cruel or violent to you in any way, while they are inebriated or sober.

Causing you damage to property or loss of reputation.

Long absences or causing you great worry.

Putting lives at risk by drinking and driving.

If you find yourself in a situation where your partner, family member, or friend is addicted, address it immediately. For best success, don’t allow it to continue as it is.

You need to give an ultimatum with consequences. I highly recommend that you tell them that they must participate in an organized help program for their addiction, or you will cease all support, end your relationship with them until they have control over their addiction, and you will not live with them. If you can, organize other loved ones to give the same message at the same time, for it will be more effective.

These are very difficult situations, but remember two things: You will be helping both yourself and them if you take care of your own emotional and safety needs, and, just because you love someone, doesn’t mean it is healthy to be with them. While they are addicted, love them from afar.

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What Causes Poly-behavioral Addiction?

What Causes Poly-behavioral Addiction?

The reasons for initially trying different socially acceptable legal drugs (e.g. alcohol, cigarettes, etc.), and/ or illegal drugs, or for that matter any addictive behavior involvement (e.g. gambling, binge-eating, etc.) are multi-factored (e.g. peer-pressure, boredom, etc.). In the twentieth century approximately 65% (Helzer et al., 1990) of healthy American individuals (born in a family–free from a history of substance abuse for example, and raised in a positive environment with positive values and conditioning) experiment with underage drinking and possibly smoking cigarettes at least once as adolescents or during a ‘college dorm – binge drinking’ – phase of life.

Because human behavior is so complex, an attempt to understand the reasons individuals continue to use, and/ or abuse themselves with substances and/ or maladaptive behaviors to the point of developing self-defeating behavior patterns and/ or other life-style dysfunctions or self-harm is enormously difficult to achieve. Many researchers therefore prefer to speak of risk factors that may contribute, but not be sufficient to cause addictions. They point to an eclectic bio-psychosocial approach that involves the multi-dimensional interactions of genetics, biochemistry, psychology, socio-cultural, and spiritual influences.

Risk Factors / Contributory Causes / Influences:

1. Genetics (family history) – is known to play a role in causing susceptibility through such biological avenues as metabolic rates and sensitivity to alcohol and/ or other drugs or addictive behaviors.

2. Biochemistry – the discovery of morphine-like substances called endorphins (runners high, etc.) and the so-called ‘pleasure pathway’ – the mesocorticolimbic dopamine pathway (MCLP). This is the brain center or possible anatomic site underlying addictions at which alcohol and other drugs stimulate to produce euphoria – which then becomes the desired goal to attain (tolerance – loss of control – withdrawal).

3. Psychological Factors – developmental personality traits, vulnerability to stress, and the desire for tension and symptom reduction from various mental health problems and traumatic life experiences.

4. Socio-cultural/ Spiritual Factors – cultural attitudes, marital, relational, legal, financial, and religious psycho-social stressors (etc.), along with the existence of a so-called drug culture that promotes the availability of alcohol and other drugs and/ or addictive behaviors as tension reducers and/ or pain relievers.

Family genetics, and bio-psychosocial, historical, and developmental conditioning factors are difficult and sometimes impossible to be changed within individuals. The standardized performance-based Addictions Recovery Measurement System philosophy incorporates a bio-psychosocial disease model that focuses on a cognitive behavioral perspective in attempting to alter maladaptive thinking and improve a person’s abilities and behaviors to solve problems and plan for sustained recovery. Many healthcare consumers of addiction recovery services have a genetic pre-dispositional history for addiction. They have suffered and continue to suffer from past traumatic life experiences (e.g. physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, etc.) and often present with psychosocial stressors (e.g. occupational stress, family/ marital problems, etc.) leaving them with intense and confusing feelings (e.g. anger, anxiety, bitterness, fear, guilt, grief, loneliness, depression, and inferiority, etc.) that reinforce their already low self-esteem. The complex interaction of these factors can leave the individual with much deeper mental health problems involving self-hatred, self-punishment, self-denial, low self-control, low self-respect, and a severe low self-esteem condition, with an overall (sometimes hidden) negative self-identity.

There are many definitions for addiction as it is a complex phenomenon. The American Psychiatric Association avoids the term entirely. The World Health Organization defined addiction as ‘a state of periodic and/ or chronic intoxication produced by the repeated consumption of a natural or synthetic drug. This state of intoxication is manifested by an overpowering desire, need or compulsion with the presence of a tendency to increase the dose and evidence of phenomena of tolerance, abstinence and withdrawal, in which there is always psychic and physical dependence on the effects of the drug’ (Gossop and Grant, 1990, p. 20).

Addictive diseases generally have been associated with substance abuse. More recently, the concept of addiction has been broadened to include behavior patterns that do not necessarily include alcohol or drugs. Bradshaw (1990) defines addiction as a "pathological relationship to any mood-altering person, thing, substance, or activity that has life-damaging consequences" (p. VIII). Arterburn and Felton (1992) define addiction as "the presence of a psychological and physiological dependency on a substance, relationship, or behavior" (p. 104). Shaef (1987) defines addiction as "any process over which we are powerless. Addiction takes control of us, causing us to do and think things that are inconsistent with our personal values, and which lead us to become progressively more compulsive and obsessive" (p. 18). She divides addictions into two broad categories: Substance addictions (e.g., alcohol, drugs, nicotine, and food, etc.) and process or behavioral addictions (e.g., gambling, food, religion, and sexual addictions, etc.).

Similar to alcohol and substance abuse disorders, process or behavioral addictions have personality factors that tend to characterize their etiologies, behavioral manifestations, and their resistance to change even though they do not involve a chemical addictive substance. For example, although most people can gamble occasionally, (e.g., Saturday night poker games, betting on major sporting events with friends, and/ or playing a slot machine while on vacation, etc.), an estimated six to ten million Americans lose control.

Pathological Gambling, according to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fourth Edition Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR, 2000) is characterized by recurrent and persistent gambling behavior that disrupts family, personal, or vocational pursuits. It also involves continuous or periodic loss of control; a preoccupation with obtaining money for gambling; irrational behavior; and continuation of this behavior in spite of adverse consequences (Rosenthal, 1992).

People also develop dependencies on certain life-functioning activities that can be just as life threatening as drug addiction and just as socially and psychologically damaging as alcoholism. As noted previously 30.5% of American adults suffer from morbid obesity or being 100 lbs. or more above ideal body weight. Some do suffer from hormonal or metabolic disorders, but most obese individuals simply consume more calories than they burn due to an out of control overeating Food Addiction lifestyle pattern.

Hyper-obesity resulting from gross, habitual overeating is considered to be more like the problems found in those ingrained personality disorders that involve loss of control over appetite of some kind (Orford, 1985). Binge-eating Disorder episodes are characterized in part by a feeling that one cannot stop or control how much or what one is eating (DSM-IV-TR, 2000).

Williams (1993) suggests that religious addicts experience three of the same symptoms as other addicts: craving or the need for a fix; the loss of control; and continual use. Johnson and VanVonderen (1991) define Religious Addiction as ‘the state of being dependent on a spiritually mood-altering system.’ In a change intended to encourage mental health professionals to view patients’ religious experience more seriously, the DSM-IV included an entry entitled, ‘Religious or Spiritual Problem’ (Steinfels 1994). One type of psycho-re
ligious problem involves patients who intensify their adherence to religious practices to an obsessive-compulsive and sometimes delusional mental state of mind. I personally had the unique opportunity of writing my doctoral dissertation on religious addiction entitled, ‘Hawaii and Christian Religious Addiction.’ During that process, I discovered a significant relationship between self-appointed, authoritarian church leaders and religious addictive beliefs, behaviors and symptoms (Slobodzien, 2004).

Likewise, Sexual Addiction affects an estimated three to six percent of the U.S. population. Sexual addiction takes many forms to include obsessions with pornography and masturbation to engaging in cyber-sex, voyeurism, affairs, rape, incest, and sex with strangers. Though solitary forms of this addiction may not be overtly risky, they can be part of a pattern of distorted thinking and identity conflict that can escalate to involve harming the self and others. An example of a Sexual Disorder (NOS) or Not Otherwise Specified in the DSM-IV-TR, (2000) includes: distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by an individual only as things to be used. The defining elements of this kind of addiction are its secrecy and escalating nature, often resulting in diminished judgment and self-control (Carnes, 1994).

The fundamental nature of all addiction is the addicts’ experience of helplessness and powerlessness over an obsessive-compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict may be out of control. They may experience extreme emotional pain and shame. They may repeatedly fail to control their behavior. They may suffer one or more of the following consequences of an unmanageable lifestyle: a deterioration of some or all supportive relationships; difficulties with work, financial troubles; and physical, mental, and/ or emotional exhaustion which sometimes leads to psychiatric problems and hospitalization. Addictions tend to arise from the same backgrounds: families with co-dependency including multiple addictions; lack of effective parenting; and other forms of physical, emotional and sexual trauma in childhood. Since it is impossible to expect treatment for one addiction to be beneficial when other addictions co-exist, the initial therapeutic intervention for any addiction needs to include an assessment for other addictions.

Poly-behavioral dependence is the synergistically integrated chronic dependence on multiple physiologically addictive substances and behaviors (e.g., using/ abusing substances – nicotine, alcohol, & drugs, and/ or acting impulsively or obsessively compulsive in regards to gambling, food binging, sex, and/ or religion, etc.) simultaneously.

For more info see: ‘Poly-Behavioral Addictions and the Addictions Recovery Measurement System’

http://www.geocities.com/drslbdzn/Behavioral_Addictions.html

James Slobodzien, Psy.D., CSAC, is a Hawaii licensed psychologist and certified substance abuse counselor who earned his doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Slobodzien is credentialed by the National Registry of Health Service Providers in Psychology. He has over 20-years of mental health experience primarily working in the fields of alcohol/ substance abuse and behavioral addictions in hospital, prison, and court settings. He is an adjunct professor of Psychology and also maintains a private practice as a mental health consultant.

By: James Slobodzien, Psy.D, CSAC

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For more info see: www.booklocker.com/books/1966.html www.geocities.com/drslbdzn/Behavioral_Addictions.html

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Addictions They Seem To Fit Together Like Pieces In A Puzzle

Addictions – They Seem To Fit Together Like Pieces In A Puzzle

I’m a person who walked away from both drinking and smoking, after engaging in both activities for more than 15 years, and I’ve always been perplexed at how so called "addictions" seem to fit together. Smoking cigarettes and drinking go together like Peas and carrots. It was always amazing to me how one seemed to go with the other. Smoking was never quite as satisfying as when alcohol was being consumed. And so to, alcohol seemed to elicit the need to spark up a heater. The amount of cigarettes I could choke down while drinking a lot of alcohol was obnoxious! The two activities, or addictions as it were, just seemed to fit together so perfectly.
It’s also interesting how the beginning of both practices coincide so perfectly. It wasn’t too long after I had my first alcoholic beverage that the stinky lung darts wound up in my mouth. That must be why that I told people for all of those years that if I quit one of these activities, the other would soon follow. And I was right. I ended up finally kicking both of them to the curb at the same time.
I’ve simply always found it incredibly interesting how addictions such as these seem to fit together. The other one that I used to "enjoy", was feeding gambling machines. You know the old video poker and keno machines? These little bastards can suck up your money like a freakin’ vacuum cleaner! And when you play these video slot machines what do the attendants offer you? Drinks! Specifically alcoholic drinks. Yet another way that these "addictions" seem to fit together like a puzzle.
The other very interesting thing about these addictions fitting together like a puzzle for me, was the fact that when I walked away from drinking and smoking, I no longer wanted to even enter a casino. This wasn’t at all a conscious act, it simply followed suit naturally. Which I suppose is a good thing. And now I do none of it and am as happy as I’ve ever been. The bottom line is that these addictions seem to fit together like a puzzle, but the good thing is that once you decide to remove them from your life, they fit together in exactly the same way. That is once you stop drinking, you don’t like smoking as much and vice versa.

By: tkugler

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Trevor Kugler is co-founder of JRWfishing.com and founder of yourmoneyconnection.com. He has more than 15 years of business experience and 25 years of fishing experience. He currently raises his 3 year old daughter in Montana.
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Kick Addictions And Bad Habits For Good And Experience The …

Kick Addictions And Bad Habits For Good And Experience The Relationship Benefits It Brings!

Its a New Year! If bad habits or addictions are beginning to play havoc with your relationship now is the time to stop, take account of your life, learn to realise what is most important and get the help you need to break bad habits for good.

Addictions and bad habits are psychological behaviours that control our lives. They are compulsive disorders which can come in many forms from gambling, shopping, alcohol, food, anything that becomes a continuous bad habit that you find hard or almost impossible to break.

Most people have an addiction of some kind that they find hard to break free from, one of mine was chocolate, I just craved it continuously and I rarely ate anything else. Eventually following professional warnings, I called a halt to it, broke the bad habit and learned how breaking free from an addiction positively changes your life.

Whatever your addiction, whether it be something annoying such as biting your nails or a bad habit with more serious consequences you can sort it out. You may not be able to tackle an addiction on your own, you might need some help along the way and some people my need more help than others but it is possible, with the right motivation to stop any bad habit dead in its tracks. If I could do it so can you.

Don’t let addictions and general bad habits rule your life, if you do they will control your mind, your thoughts and your relationships, they can even control your finances, your health and your complete meaning to life. Don’t just carry on assuming that you can’t stop yourself and that they make no difference anyway, you can and they do.

If you are having difficulties and really can’t break free on your own, get help, don’t just throw money at it, don’t just make aimless failing attempts. Hit it where it hurts, take targeted and controlled action that is guaranteed to work, get it right first time and walk away addiction and bad habit free for life.

Don’t let addictions control your life, control your addictions, enjoy the benefits and addiction free relationship can bring and renewed meaning to your life. Addictions are just bad habits and any habit can be broken, if you choose to live with them it’s your choice and if your relationship fails because of them it’s your choice. Just ask yourself is the lack of effort really worth the long-term consequences!

By: Terry Ross -

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For more relationship advice visit my website: 1st-4-Relationships or to find out how to break any habit visit Common Marriage Problems

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The Hottest Ten Steps To Giving Up Designer Handbag Addictions

The Hottest Ten Steps To Giving Up Designer Handbag Addictions

If you can not open your closet, because it is so filled with designer handbags, even if you turn the knob, a tidal wave of money will turn your bedroom into a mess, you need help. If you try, unsuccessfully, to curb the designer handbag of your addiction, here are 10 steps to help give your purse designer curse.

Giving up your straight-up handbag addiction!

1st. Unlike with a lot of self-help programs, you do not want to try and go Cold Turkey and stop buying handbags whole. If you are addicted to handbags it will not work. The first step is to realize that you can not stop your addiction suddenly.

2nd. The second step is to have a budget. They are not only going to create a budget for your handbags, listing exactly how many Marc Jacobs, you can buy versus Coach bags. They are a budget for everything in your life, including rent, utilities and car insurance. Yes, it’s a drag, but you have to do.

3rd. Now that you have your budget in hand, you are going to limit how many bags you purchase. If you only $ 100 extra in your budget, and Marc Jacobs clutch costs about $ 400, you will know now that you can afford to buy one every three months instead of buying the green leather and the black at the same time.

4th. If you have a problem keeping your will power not to buy a designer handbag that you want to prevent a rash purchase. 20 years ago could be just the money into a bank, which would pretty much prevents you from buying a handbag, but with online shopping and ATMs, you are going to want to literally freeze your plastic. Get a large container, fill it with water, put your credit cards in it, and hold it in the freezer. In this way, if you want to make a purchase you have to wait for the money to thaw.

5th. Try to avoid temptations. Throw the tabloid newspapers, or simply do not buy in order to see handbags. If you are in some of these rags, you will see that every week a new celebrity, the other around a designer handbag. Sure, it’s nice to see the same bag that you want, but it is simply too tempting to buy the latest IT bag.

6th. If you feel a little depressed about not having the latest bag, organize your own collection. Even if you only have a few purses, you can spend the time you normally do, shopping spend a little work on it.

7th. If you are sick and tired of carrying around the same handbag, you may want some of your older sacks from retirement. Sure, they may have been popular couple years, but that does not mean that you are still not wearing it around today. A good handbag is always a good handbag.

8th. To make something new in your wardrobe, you may need to trade or borrow. Hey, it will not cost you a lot of money, and nobody needs to know that it is not for you.

9th. Handbags are expensive things to collect; you may want to start another collection. Why not a stamp collection? Stamps are only $ .49, so that you could buy literally hundreds of them (if not thousands) for the price of a handbag.

10th. If it hard is that to enter your handbag addiction, you can only want to go and buy. They are disappointed in themselves, but at least you have the satisfaction with the implementation around the latest pocket!

By: Casandra Brooks

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Casandra Brooks is a designer purse enthusiast, always willing to talk

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Recovery From Addictions, Part 2

Recovery From Addictions, Part 2

(This is Part 2 of a 2-part series on addiction).

In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

This article addresses the first of these beliefs, and goes into the process of learning to manage your pain. Learning to manage pain is essential if you are going to move out of addictive behavior, since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the belief that you cannot handle your pain.

Small children have few skills in managing pain. Parents are supposed to be there to help them with painful situations. Loving parents help children with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in various ways, such ‘kissing it and making it better’ when there is a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for difficult situations. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the child move through the pain and move on.

However, many adults had parents who, not only did not help them with their pain, but were the cause of the pain. When parents abandon children with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, children are on their own regarding handling their pain. They are not receiving help and they have no role model for managing pain. When this is the case, addictions become the way to manage pain. Children learn early to eat, drink or take drugs to manage their pain. They learn early to numb out or act out with destructive or self-destructive behavior to avoid their pain. They may even learn to block out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, such as cutting themselves.

In order to move beyond destructive and self-destructive behavior, you need to be in a process of developing a loving inner parent – a loving adult self – capable of giving your hurting inner child what he or she never received as you were growing up. The loving Adult is who we are when we are connected with a powerful spiritual source of love, strength and wisdom.

Your inner child is your feeling self. When you are experiencing the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means that you are that child, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. As an alone and terrified child, you will reach for whatever addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain.

The reason the 12-Step programs have worked so well is because they help people to open to a spiritual source of strength. Without this source of strength, there is no way to manage the pain without the addictions.

We teach a Six-Step process, called Inner Bonding, which works very well along with the 12-Steps to help people in recovery from addictions. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course). The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a spiritual Source of love and compassion. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting child all the love and compassion you didn’t receive as a child.

Love and compassion are not feelings that are generated from within the body. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. God is love, compassion, peace, truth and joy. When you open to learning about what is loving to yourself, with a personal source of spiritual Guidance, you will begin to be able to bring through the love and compassion that you need.

Love and compassion is what you need when you are hurting. Substance and process addictions do not fill the place within that needs love and compassion. Addictions merely block out the pain of the inner abandonment you feel when you are not giving yourself the love and compassion you need. The needed love and compassion is not going to come from another person. No matter how much you wish that someone could give to you what you didn’t get as a child, it is not going to happen. You need to learn how to give it to yourself. When you do, you will be well on your way to recovery from your addictions.

Learning how to heal core shame and give yourself the love and compassion you need to recover from your addictions is the focus of the remaining articles in this series.

By: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. -

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. best-selling author of eight books, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com

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Recovery From Addictions: Part 1

Recovery From Addictions: Part 1

(This is Part 1 of a 2-part series on addiction).

Just about everyone in our society is addicted to something. Addictions can take many forms:

SUBSTANCE ADDICTIONS: addiction to alcohol, recreational drugs, prescription meds, caffeine, nicotine, food, sugar, carbohydrates.

PROCESS ADDICTIONS: addiction to love, connection, caretaking, anger, resistance, withdrawal, and to activities such as:

TV
Computer/internet
Busyness
Gossiping
Sports
Exercise
Sleep
Work
Making money
Spending money
Gambling
Sex, masturbation, pornography
Shopping
Accumulating things
Worry
Obsessive thinking (ruminating)
Self-criticism
Talking a lot
Talking on the telephone a lot
Reading
Gathering information (if only I know enough I will feel safe)
Meditation
Religion
Crime
Danger
Cutting themselves
Glamour, beautifying

We can use anything as a way of avoiding feelings and avoiding taking responsibility for our painful feelings. Whenever we engage in an activity with the intention of avoiding our feelings, we are using that activity as an addiction. We can watch TV to relax and enjoy our favorite programs, or we can watch TV to avoid our feelings. We can meditate to connect with Spirit and center ourselves, or we can meditate to bliss out and avoid responsibility for our feelings. We can read to enjoy and learn, or read to escape. Anything can be an addiction, depending upon our intention.

For example, when your intention is to take loving care of yourself and your work is something you really enjoy, then working is not being used as an addiction. But when the intent is to get approval or avoid painful feelings, then work is being used as an addiction. The same is true for most of the above behaviors – they can be addictions or not, depending upon your intent.

All of us have a wounded part of us – our wounded self or ego self – that has been programmed with many false beliefs through our growing-up years. There are four common false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

I CAN’T HANDLE MY PAIN

While this was true when we were small, it is not true as adults, yet many people operate as if it is true. When you believe that you are incapable of handling pain – especially the deep pain of loneliness and helplessness – then you will find many addictive ways to avoid feeling your pain. All of us are capable of learning how to manage painful feelings in ways that support our highest good, rather behaving in addictive ways that hurt us.

Anything you do to avoid taking responsibility for managing your pain is self-abandonment, which creates even more pain – the deep pain of aloneness. Whether you abandon yourself to substances, processes or people, your inner child – which is your feeling self – will feel abandoned by your choice to avoid responsibility for your feelings. If you had an actual child who was in pain, and you got drunk instead of being there for that child, he or she would be in even more pain from the abandonment. It is exactly the same on the inner level. Addictive behavior is an abandonment of self and causes the very pain you are trying to avoid.

I AM UNWORTHY AND UNLOVABLE

When you did not receive the love you needed as a small child, you might have concluded that the reason you were not loved was because you were bad, flawed, defective, unworthy, unlovable, or unimportant. This is core shame – the false belief that there is essentially something wrong with you. When you adopt this belief, you become cut off from your Source, believing that you are unworthy of being loved by a Higher Power.

OTHERS ARE MY SOURCE OF LOVE

You will become addicted to attention, approval, love, sex, or connection when you believe that another person needs to be your dependable source of love. In this case, you will be abandoning your inner child to another person, which causes as much pain as abandoning yourself to a substance. Until you learn to tap into a Higher Power as your source of love, you will continue to be addicted to people as your source of love.

I CAN HAVE CONTROL OVER HOW OTHERS FEEL ABOUT ME AND TREAT ME

If you believe you can control others’ feelings and behavior, you will become addicted to various ways of trying to control, such as anger, judgment, blame, or people-pleasing. When you believe you can’t handle your pain and that others are your source of love, then you want control over getting that love. This is the cause of the codependency that underlies most relationship problems.

There is a way to heal from addictions. The rest of the articles in this series will address the process of recovery from addictions.

By: Margaret Paul, Ph. D.

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and ‘Healing Your Aloneness.’ She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

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